Remembering when....

Hard to believe it has been nearly 4 1/2 years since this moment. Today Jackson had a heart check to be sure a murmur that was heard by his doctor at his 15 month check-up was not caused by an underlying defect. I spent the last few days agonizing over this appointment and although I felt optimistic I was also nervous that doctor Wong could see something in the echo that would change our lives forever.

Luckily, the news was awesome! His heart is perfect. He simply has an innocent murmur!

I will never forget that instant in my life when I found out there was something wrong with Vaughn's heart. It was the day after Valentine's Day and Vaughn was only 2 days old. He had been in the NICU because he ran a fever and they simply wanted to run a battery of tests. They had convinced me he was doing just fine but they wanted to be sure they weren't missing anything so they had ordered a chest x-ray.

A couple hours later the NICU doctor came into my room. I assumed she was coming to tell me he was fine and could come back to my room. I had been so upset that he was in the NICU and not by my side. Instead she sat down and simply said "there is definately something wrong with his heart." That was a life changing moment I will never forget. In that completely unexpected moment I had to find the courage within myself to ask "is he going to live."

Normal Day

I saw a poem on Ali Edwards blog last year that I find myself thinking about often. Especially whenever any of the boys get sick.

The poem is by Mary Jean Iron and goes like this: Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart. Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. Let me hold you while I may, for it may not always be so. One day I shall dig my nails into the earth, or bury my face in the pillow, or stretch myself taut, or raise my hands to the sky and want, more than all the world, your return.

I have really been thinking about this a lot lately as we approach Vaughn's 5th birthday. How those first 6 months of his life Scott and I hoped and dreamed for a normal day for Vaughn and once again for ourselves. We have been blessed with so many normal days since then.

Now as Jackson recovers from a virus and possible roseola I once again anxiously await a normal day. One without worry and fear that the fever could be an indication of something much worse. Something we know all too well.

So I hope and pray that tomorrow brings a normal day.

And if it does... I have no doubt that I will actually enjoy my hour long commute to and from work:

I won't even be annoyed by the beamer riding my tail even though I am already going well above the speed limit.

I will gladly stop at every single red light I hit along the way.

I won't shout out at the Sunday driver in front of me "how do you possibly get anywhere in life driving that slow!!"

I will wave with a huge smile to the poor guy holding up the "Kolache" arrow in front of the bakery on 2222 instead of feeling just too tired and busy to possibly raise my arm up and wave back.

And when I get to work...

I won't even notice the negative, Debbie Downer at my company inappropriately cursing in the hall, griping and calling my boss a dumb a*s.

I will gladly answer any question an employee has. Despite the fact that the information is already posted on the intranet in great detail - I will be more than happy to help.

Finally, I will gladly answer any long detailed question someone has at 3:59pm. It doesn't matter that I have been in my office with the answer for the last 7 hours. I am more than happy to leave late and accomodate them.

And what is funny - is that I am totally serious! I will gladly do all these things that eventually do become the mundane, routine part of life because I am grateful for today's reminder of just how lucky we truly are.

Loving the view. Good Morning & Good Night!

Cooking with kids...

Batson didn't think twice about chucking his binkie into the eggs I was making for breakfast. I must tell ya - he has got some good aim because he tossed that in on his first try left handed! I think we may have a future Cub on our hands! We're so proud! ha.

LEAP

My word for the year is leap! I am going to stop over-thinking and just start doing.

For starters I let go of the anger I have felt toward the Catholic Church for the last several years and attended mass yesterday. It was my first visit to the church near my home and I absolutely loved it. I not only loved the look and feel of the church (it was extremely warm and inviting) but I felt so connected to my Grandparents. It has been so long and I have missed that feeling tremendously. I am glad I took that leap.

I also went on a short, simple walk with Mya around the loop. I wanted to get in a quick and easy work out. Scott said "go take your walk - I will watch the boys." It was guilt free, simple and I so enjoyed every second of it. Love being outside and love spending time with Mya. I am glad I didn't let the laundry pile or dishes in the sink keep me from missing out on a really nice moment in my day. I am glad I took that leap.

We ended our day with a trip to a new yogurt place called "berry cool frozen yogurt." I almost passed on the trip because it was an unfamiliar place and it seemed easier for Jackson and me to just hang around the house while Scott took Dalton and Vaughn. But, I am so glad Jack and I tagged along. Not only did we love trying something new - we had so much fun as a family. We got to sample a wide variety of yogurt flavors and the boys loved topping their yogurt off with nerds, gummy worms and mini m&m's. I see frozen yogurt in our near future!! I am so glad I took that leap.

Right now I am leaping into a glass of Merlot and a 100 calorie bag of Smart Pop:).

December - Let the countdown begin!

So...the last couple Christmases Scott and I have been in total survival mode. Our usual excuse applied: the house and our lives totally dictated by cute, loud, messy but oh so sweet children!

The month of December was a blur and I just wanted to get through it. Which is so sad! It is supposed to be a joyous month especially when celebrating life with children! And there are so many cool, fun things to do with kids especially if you love arts and crafts (that would be me!).

My problem has been that if I don't plan the activity I have elaborately created in my mind, it doesn't happen. It doesn't matter that I day dream about making beautifully iced Christmas cookies with my children - if I don't put it on the calendar it isn't going to happen.

So this December I was determined to atleast accomplish SOMETHING. So we made a Christmas count down chain which is something my brothers and I always did growing up. The boys had a blast making them. It was a simple activity that I was able to complete with the boys while Batson clung to my leg and simulaneously pulled Dalton's cup of crystal light off the table and onto the floor. We started with 25 links so the boys could immediately tear off a link. Ahhh - the simple pleasures!

Country Boys

Scott got this great picture of the boys. It is a perfect representation of them. They are little adventurers and love living out in the country for that reason (plus - lots of options when it comes to peeing outdoors!!!). And we have been blessed with the most beautiful fall I have ever seen in Texas. Today Vaughn pointed out the purple leaves he saw on the trees as we drove to gymnastics. Another reminder of what life is really about.